Rob T
My wife and I are fighting over who to spend the holidays with. We live in Dallas with our two children. My in-laws live in El Paso. For the last eight years we have driven (700 miles, 12 hours) to my in-laws for Christmas. For once I would like to stay home and have Christmas in my own home with my family.
Here is what I wanted for this Christmas. I'm graduating with my MBA the week prior to Christmas. I wanted to fly my mom in for my graduation and I have her to stay for Christmas. My job requires me to fly every week to my client and I wanted to stay home, relax and not travel.
My wife wanted to fly my mom in for the weekend then fly her out, no Christmas with my mom, so we could then drive to my in-laws. She made a compromise though. She and the children are flying to El Paso on the 26th and my mom leaves on the 29th. My mom and I will be at my house for a few days without my wife and kids. She absolutely insists that she must spend some time with her family during the holidays. Even though she has had the last eight Christmases with her family she needs more. This time she âgraciouslyâ allowed me Christmas with my mom, but sheâs leaving the next day.
Here is some more information. In the last twelve months we have driven to El Paso three times for a total of six days of travel and 3,200 miles of driving. During these three trips we have boarded our dogs for a cost of $1,000, so I was also looking to save money. We used to take them with us, but they are old now and have accidents in the car. My wife has elderly grandparents so her family cannot travel to our home. I get along well with her family and she gets along well with my mother. My wife is much closer to her family than I am to mine.
What do you think about this situation?
Answer
It's going to be very difficult to get your wife to agree with you. She has made this Christmas trip a tradition with her family and your kids. It will be hard to break. If it were me, I'd sit her down and tell her that I want to start a new tradition at home, that the kids should have a "personal" tradition of their own. And as an equal partner, your wishes should be met (because they're not unreasonable).
As a compromise, ask her family to come to your house along with keeping your mother's visit as scheduled, but only if you can take all the company. BUT insist that she and the kids stay for your mother's entire visit at your home. Your mother deserves a holiday visit with her grandchildren. And the children deserve time with their grandmother (your mother).
Regardless of how close you are with your family and she with hers, this is about YOUR little family unit and your wife should be making more of a compromise and more of an effort here.
This may seem like a trivial issue, but from experience, I can tell you that it will get heated and blow up quickly and intensely. But you should still sit down with your wife and have a serious conversation about how you feel like she's completely ignored your desires for Christmas and that you want the kids to be at home visiting with your mother for the holiday, and that from now on, every other year you will visit her family -- but the off year will be spent at home building your own tradition for the kids.
It's going to be very difficult to get your wife to agree with you. She has made this Christmas trip a tradition with her family and your kids. It will be hard to break. If it were me, I'd sit her down and tell her that I want to start a new tradition at home, that the kids should have a "personal" tradition of their own. And as an equal partner, your wishes should be met (because they're not unreasonable).
As a compromise, ask her family to come to your house along with keeping your mother's visit as scheduled, but only if you can take all the company. BUT insist that she and the kids stay for your mother's entire visit at your home. Your mother deserves a holiday visit with her grandchildren. And the children deserve time with their grandmother (your mother).
Regardless of how close you are with your family and she with hers, this is about YOUR little family unit and your wife should be making more of a compromise and more of an effort here.
This may seem like a trivial issue, but from experience, I can tell you that it will get heated and blow up quickly and intensely. But you should still sit down with your wife and have a serious conversation about how you feel like she's completely ignored your desires for Christmas and that you want the kids to be at home visiting with your mother for the holiday, and that from now on, every other year you will visit her family -- but the off year will be spent at home building your own tradition for the kids.
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Title Post: After 8 straight Christmases with the in-laws, I can't get a Christmas season with my family.?
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